Ok, so this one will be a little bit philosophical in nature (me, philosophical?! Never!!!! ;) ) Anyway, the topic is where I'm meant to be, and it really got me thinking. I spent a very long time being fairly unhappy, and the process of 'being happy' seemed like it should have been easy. I felt that I should have been ok, well more than ok really, with where I was both mentally and physically. I felt like I was abnormal, not being happy with my life and where I was. I certainly, very strongly, felt that I wasn't where
I was meant to be.
So I made a change. A big change. I decided that I COULD make myself happy, that I had a right too. And more than that, I had an obligation to my children to make myself happy so that they could see what life was meant to be. So I did. I did what should have been done years before and I left a bad situation and I didn't look back, not once. And I became the happy person that I had pretended to be.
I decided that the perceived expectations from society and the 'outside' world, that is, outside of my own personal space didn't matter. I made a choice to try and only do what made me happy. And I realise that may come across as sounding a little selfish, after all, I had four children to think about. Shouldn't I have put their needs first? Valid question, and I'll say I did. Because I really did. They needed a happy, content Mother. They needed someone to show them what life is REALLY about. They needed to be guided into realising that it's honestly not the material possessions and the perception of your reality from the 'outside' world that matters. It's your actual reality, and where you are emotionally that matters.
If you are happy, everything else falls into place.
So I left the perceived reality and set about 'finding myself'. It sounds oh so cliche, but it really is a truth, that you need to find yourself to be happy.
While I was finding myself, I found someone who is, to use a term I didn't really throw around much, and never really liked it to be honest, a soulmate. A person who understood and understands me, and who makes my heart absolutely sing.
And then I found where I am meant to be. I am meant to be wherever we are.
I stopped worrying about the idea of what I thought I should be. And now I am working towards being able to make a living basically being myself. Doing what makes me happy. Creating, in lots of ways. My children are my absolutely without a doubt 100% best, most awesomest (I know, I know...not a real word!) creation. They make me who I am, and they make me smile. They exasperate me at times, but they make me smile, and they make me proud and I love them beyond words.
But I am also creating in a more artistic sense. I used to think being an artist was defined by a single idea: that to be one you must have work represented in a gallery and make your living that way. And then I learned the reality. Which is that very few 'artists' earn a living that way. And that in a lot of ways, the term 'artist' should be applied more to people who are constantly creating in any medium and any location. Because these are the people who are working towards a constantly shifting and changing reality. Their reality is the painting they are currently working on, or the craft project they move onto next. Or the book they finally write after years of promising to, or the song they are composing. And that doesn't lock a person into that medium or location forever.
Being an artist means a continual evolution of yourself.
And so here is also where I'm meant to be; in my studio, which is somewhat messier than these photos now!
Lastly, I know that there is one other place I'm meant to be. I'm meant to travel, to move around, to see and experience new things. I blame it on my Gypsy heritage. My Grandma, who has Alzheimers Disease and I miss so much, used to tell me that she had Spanish Gypsies in her family, way back in the bloodline. And I blame my wanderlust on that. That which has so often meant packing up and moving again, but which really just translates to wanting to see different places, people and things.
So there you have it. I am where I am meant to be. How about you?
